Thursday, December 5, 2013

We're Full!!!

Well, it's December 5th already and, what with the gradual clearing of the Thanksgiving food-coma-hangover, it's time to take stock and look ahead.  After all, I DID just get my LNA and am truly looking forward to traveling down that road.  So, with the power of positivity compelling me, I looked.
Sometimes, don't you just wish you'd never looked?
It all started about a week before Thanksgiving.  Not for nothing but it also happened to be just as I was set to take the State Board Exams to finish up the initial education portion of my LNA.  Some might say this was a stressful time...
Let me just say this:  If you've never experienced it yourself, you can absolutely take my word for the fact that no good comes from hearing your husband use a plunger in the shower.  Trust me, there is no incident-free road to be taken.  None.
Being who I am however, and my husband being who HE is, I did not panic.  I don't even think the dog flinched at the odd noise.  Had it been a life or death situation, I felt sure he'd have the energy to whack the wall with the plunger as a means to get my attention.  On the other hand, if he was simply learning a new form of percussion, who was I to interrupt and stop the flow of creativity?
Apparently, it was something in between the two scenarios and there was more than just the flow of creativity being stopped.  If you haven't already guessed, our septic was backed up.
A short time later and, sort of 'matter of factly', my husband said he'd be going outside in the morning to check the Baffles and clean any clogs.  If that didn't work, he sighed, we'd be calling our best friends at the Septic Company.
Next morning, the very same morning I was scheduled for both my written and practical exams, he went outside, cleared what he needed to and felt we were in pretty good shape so he took a shower in the basement bathroom (aka the Boys Room).  I DID mention I had exams that morning, right?  I'll also share my theory that it would likely be a good idea to show up for said exams clean and presentable...
Shortly after my husband showered, I headed in to take my shower in the other bathroom (the Girls Room).  I had my Scrubs all laid out, my watch with the second hand was ready to go, tunes were blasting and the showering commenced.
Now, I don't know about you, but I shower from the top down.  I shampoo my hair, rinse it, condition it, rinse it, wash my face, ears and neck and so on down the line.
Approximately 15 seconds after I  put conditioner in my hair, my husband threw open the bathroom door and said "You have to stop showering NOW!!!  THERE'S A BACKUP!!!"
Getting scared or startled while in the shower always makes me think of the movie "Psycho" and I believe that's where hijinx like that belong.  They do NOT belong in my bathroom on the morning of State Exams.  "SERIOUSLY???" I cried.   "I HAVE CONDITIONER!!!"  but it was no good, I could already hear him running back down the stairs.  So, now the water is turned off and I'm standing there.  I'm wet, cold, conditiony and my exams were in one hour.  More than slightly miffed, I toweled off, closed the drain to the sink and rinsed as much conditioner out of my hair as was humanly possible in a 4" deep basin.
Muttering the entire way, I threw on some deodorant, brushed my teeth in to the thoroughly conditioned water which, by that time, looked like something out of a Drano commercial and I got dressed....to go to my State Board Exams.  I'll spare you the stress and let you know now that I passed.
Apparently, the entire situation looked, sounded and smelled a little different in the Boys Room.  This is mostly hearsay so, normally, I'd assume there had been some exaggeration but I did see the post apocalyptic damage and it was pretty severe.  No longer miffed, I did feel a little bad for my husband.
He said he heard the water pump kick on, there was a brief pause and then he heard a "gurgle"....coming from HIS shower.  Apparently, moments later, "up from the ground came a bubblin' crude" and we're not talking Oil.  With the detail I've provided, I'm sure you can use your imagination and come to the conclusion that none of us will ever be the same.  It was truly the stuff of nightmares and, I assure you, the nightmares about vile substances and the inability to get away from them continue to haunt.
As sort of an aside, I'll also tell you that we had to get our Chimney replaced two days before this happened and that our tenant's Septic had similar issues two days after Thanksgiving.
As a 'silver lining', the tradesmen we dealt with on all issues were amazing!  They responded quickly, knew what to do and only one of them charged an additional Emergency fee.  Not for nothing, but if cleaning up (large scale) messes like that was my vocation, I would charge an additional Emergency fee every single time.  There are some things you can't un-see or un-smell for that matter.
What can YOU take away from this?  My most sincere wishes for Happy Holidays and a reminder that, as you get stressed out over the next month, remember that there are people out there who are not only stressed but are also up to their eyeballs in the septic tank.  It could always be worse.