With social networking tools like Facebook readily available to all, participants get instant updates and feedback on whatever fellows are experiencing at the moment.
This year and, particularly this time of year, there are lots of parents bleeding bittersweet emotion about their eldest graduating High School on the pages of Facebook. Since I am viewing that particular milestone through the rear view mirror, I thought I'd share some thoughts on the experience. Also, I will apologize in advance for, very likely, not making you laugh.
In the 1991 movie about a rock band made up of teenage misfits, there is a scene that includes one of the band member's Dad. Though I haven't seen the movie since then, I recall a certain line in particular. It hit home with me for two reasons; First, I was born a smart ass and I'll die a smart ass so I always appreciate quick wit. Second, I lost both of my maternal grandparents to Cancer that year. Believe it or not, it made me laugh out loud when the Dad (chastising his 'no-good' son) says "And you, yeh malignant little bastard...".
Now we've come 'round to the reason this particular quote recently resurfaced in my brain. From the moment they are conceived, we witness the never ending miracle of growth in our children. As parents, we are powerless to slow or stop it. The role and responsibility we are blessed with is similar to that of riverbeds and the rocks they hold while the water changes its course causing the rocks to smooth and soften with time. We are given an opportunity to teach, direct, redirect and watch as the water passes by toward its next destination.
The first year of a child's life is filled with "Firsts". First smile, first food, first giggle and first steps. My memories of my eldest's Senior year in High School are filled with what I refer to as "First Lasts". The last first day of High School; the last football game where she played in Marching Band; the last school concert; the last Equestrian Show. It seemed everywhere I turned, I was being reminded that our kids are with us for such a short time. This realization made me feel several things, not the least of which was sad. What I also felt was pride, joy, privilege, unending and always growing love, but most of all a very pronounced feeling of Awe. Our children hold us in a state of awe for always.
High School Graduation is an emotional time for parents and their children. Roles are changing with each milestone and measure of maturity. Lots of times, I didn't recognize these changes until well after they'd swept by like the water in that river I mentioned. Sometimes I felt as though I'd cried enough bittersweet tears to feed that river for eternity. Tears spurred on, sometimes by sadness at the loss of the little girl but mostly those spawned in complete pride and adoration of the young woman she has become.
What I did recognize as it happened were captured as various snapshots in my mind. I'm not big on Scrapbooking, though I wish I was, but I have enough memories of my daughter from that final year of High School to fill up an entire Scrapbook. What's difficult to see, when you see that Cap and Gown or that Diploma, is that there are many, many more Scrapbooks in the future, just waiting to be filled.
For me, that realization came on the day we brought my eldest to College for the very first time and got her as settled in as possible. I kept thinking and wondering if I could possibly live there with her and continue to keep her safe and comforted....I might be able to set up a little cot under her bed...
That second feeling NEVER quite goes away but it is ALWAYS the second feeling. The first feeling is that of letting go a kite that this young adult is flying on her own and watching the beautiful colors and patterns flying on the wind. It is my most sincere wish, dream and hope that my daughters continue to grow and amaze me as they make their way in life but, more importantly, that they wish, dream and hope for themselves and whatever the future has in store for them.
So, with every eye roll, sigh of frustration, tear shed and irritated "Mooommmm..." or "Daaaadddd..." you go through this year, the only advice I can give is to do your level best not to touch or mar the delicate and colorful new wings breaking through the chrysalis for the first time. Rather, take the snapshot in your mind and keep it there always. It may only be one tiny piece of the puzzle but to leave it out would forever leave the puzzle incomplete.
To my Daughters and Stepdaughters - I love you all so much more than you will know until you have kids of your own one day......a long time from now.... You each make me more proud than I can say.
To Parents watching their children complete this year of First Lasts, recognize it all for what it is and own the bittersweet feelings that accompany it. They will always be part of who you are.
