Things My Mom would have loved or hated....

My Mom passed away almost three years ago and she had been sick for a year and a half before that. While I think of her every single day, there are certain things that make me think "Mom would have LOVED that" or, conversely "Mom would have HATED that".

The more these things have been piling up in my brain, the more I've been thinking I should really write them down. Why? No idea, it just feels like I should.

Let's start with 'worst first'.

Mom would have HATED:
- The political battle campaign for the 2012 Presidential Election. My Mom always had plenty to say about politics. You know those annoying calls we all get from candidates? When they show up on my caller ID, I have started to refuse answering the phone. Nevermind the fact that they typically call during dinner or a good TV program, I just think there's something fundamentally wrong with someone calling and putting me on the spot like that. It always feels like some twisted guilt trip. 'You ARE going to vote, right?' Well, of course I am but when they ask it like that, it makes me want to say 'No', just to irritate them.
Anyway, my Mom would look forward to those calls and turn them in to a half hour bitch session about what was wrong with whatever candidate or political party had happened to call.
Well, Mom, if you happen to be watching, you already know that this campaign year is a doozie.

- The amount of Red Tape I currently have to go through while on an extended Medical Leave from work. Every time I get off the phone with someone who needs, yet, another piece of information from an entity they could have called directly (instead of calling me), I think about how much she would have hated this entire process.

- The ongoing construction on North State Street. I say ongoing because it was around when she was alive and well and it doesn't look as though it's going to end any time soon. She'd have hated that.

- That my eldest brother has lost touch with his family since she passed. Each of us has reached out to him at one time or another but it seems he has made a decision to be done with us. She really would have hated that.

- Seeing our dog, JoJo, put to sleep last Spring. Dogs know when something is wrong and, from the time of My Mom's diagnosis to the last time JoJo saw her, she would come in the house and go straight to Mom's bedside and curl up there. Mom used to call her the "Therapy Dog" and just loved JoJo. It would have been as hard on her as it was on us when we had to put JoJo down last Spring. She'd have hated that.

- Brett Favre. No explanation necessary.

- The Red Sox 2011 Season. Chicken, Beer, Snot-nosed, Self Righteous, overpaid little boys.



Mom would have LOVED:
- The fact that Jason Varitek retired at the right time and did not become traitorous in the name of a plumped up paycheck. She would have said that he's going out the way he should and she'd have loved that.

- Seeing her eldest Granddaughter graduate High School and start College.
- Seeing her youngest Granddaughter thrive in music and school.
She would have loved BOTH of their personalities and senses of humor.

- Our other dog, Buddy. Buddy is a lap dog who loves most women and likes nothing better than to curl up in your lap for snuggles. I feel confident Buddy would have loved Mom and it would have given her a real kick to know that she was a member of the inner circle that, in Buddy's eyes, can do no wrong. She'd have loved him.

- Facebook. Mom would have loved the connection with people through Facebook. She also would have loved the games available there. I think her favorite would have been the "I'm from Concord...." page. The travels down memory lane, the old pictures, the general conversations.

- The British TV Series "Downton Abbey". She'd have absolutely loved that.

- Keurig Coffee.

- The Musical "Wicked". It was popular when she was sick so she never really had a chance to get in to it. She'd have loved it.


Anyone who knew my Mom can feel free to add anything that falls in to one or the other category by way of a comment. I'd love to see them.

Potty Humor, beware......

As is sometimes the case in our family, a conversation this morning came back around to Potty Humor. To me, Potty Humor is one of those topics that never ceases to amuse. Why is that, do you suppose? Everything from a person standing up from their chair, causing it to make a farting noise to potty 'accidents' and the stories leading up to them.

A couple of years ago, I had one such incident and it came up during this morning's Potty Humor conversation so I thought I'd share.

It starts out with me driving to a horse farm about 45 minutes from our home so that I could attend my daughter's Equestrian Event (aka Horse Show). Never having been to this particular farm before, and after being told it was way out in the "sticks", I used a navigator app on my phone. The information I received regarding the location was spot on. This farm seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. There were residential neighborhoods peppered throughout the drive but other than that, the final eight or ten miles had nothing but woodlands and wide open spaces. As I got nearer to the farm, I did notice that it couldn't be far from where my Dad was living at the time and made a mental note.

The events my daughter was competing in were being held at something like 9:00 am, 1:00 and 2:00 pm. Anyone who has ever been to one of these events knows that they rarely start on time and each event's start time can be impacted by a number of things such as weather, course set up and how long it takes to get through the preceding event. On this day, my daughter's first event started and finished in a timely manner so I found myself with three-plus hours to kill before the next event. I sent a text to my Dad to say I was in the neighborhood and would be coming by for a visit between events.

Approximately five minutes after heading to my Dad's, it hit me. My stomach gurgled, grumbled and cramped. Immediately, I cursed the Large Dunkin' Donuts coffee and donut I'd had earlier. 'I should have known better' I thought. Things quieted down for a minute and I started trying to recall where I may have passed a restaurant or store on my way to the show. I couldn't come up with anything but, since things were quiet, I didn't worry too much.

Maybe two or three minutes later, another cramp and gurgle, only this time it was accompanied by a, albeit brief, cold sweat. I started to worry and take a mental inventory of what I had in the car that might 'assist me' should I have to pull over to the side of the road.
Now, usually, my car has a little bit of everything in it; Gum, Tissues, CDs, a map, a roll of paper towels and maybe a couple of pair of shoes. On this particular day, Murphy's Law was in hot pursuit because I had not a single tissue or paper towel.

Another bout of cramping, sweating and gurgling. They were coming more frequently now and I remember wondering, having had a hysterectomy a few years before, what the hell I was going to give birth to when this was over. As I was starting my Lamaze breathing while simultaneously clenching every single muscle from the waist down, I noticed I was in one of the residential areas. I thought 'If I don't find some place quick, my left leg (which was firmly planted on the slant of the floor under the gas/brake pedals) is going through the floor of this car.

'Can't pull over there' I thought, 'there are cars in that driveway'; and, 'nope, not there, there are people in the yard on the other side of the road'. By now, the cramping was not subsiding and I had all I could do to keep things clenched while trying to drive the car. I mopped my brow with the sleeve of my jacket and started weighing the pros and cons of stopping at someone's house and asking to use their bathroom. 'Oh God, what if I clog their toilet or, worse, get halfway from the car to their house when everything lets loose'. Every scenario I envisioned was horrifying for a variety of reasons. I tried to start praying but realized, not being a very religious person, A) it might be a little hypocritical of me to call on God for help now and, B) I didn't know any prayers that would fit the situation.

I tried threatening my bowels. 'Look, I said, my mind is pretty darned strong and I can just put this whole thing to rest with a little mind-over-matter and don't think I won't.......YIKES!!! Okay, okay.... 'God is great, God is good, let us thank him for this food.....' YOUCH!!!!! With no thought for where I was or who might see me, I pulled over and tried to ease my way out of the car without un-clenching. After putting on the "hazard" lights, I shuffled around the back of the car to the passenger side with a gait that made it look as though my legs were actually connected from hip to foot like some bizarre version of conjoined twins. Once there, I afforded myself a brief look at my surroundings. There was a little patch of shrubs next to me that seemed to mark the land line for the house I had clear vision of. Though I can't tell you what program they were watching, I knew the people inside were watching TV. Hopefully that gives you an indication of my proximity to said house.

By way of opening both the front and rear passenger doors, I made as much of a shelter from prying eyes as I could, slid down the appropriate articles of clothing, held on to the lower front-passenger door jamb and let nature take its course. All the while chanting "Please don't let any cars go by, please don't let any cars go by...". As the pain in my stomach eased, I started looking for something, anything I could use to clean up. Looking at the rubble on the floor, I spotted two little squares of fabric that had been fashioned in to little pouches. The kind you might see filled with dried lavender as a sachet or something. One of my kids had made these at the after-school daycare she attended at the time. I looked some more....wasn't there anything resembling toilet paper to be had in the car? Not a thing. I commenced un-making the little pouches and, after making a silent apology to the child, used them as best I could. I pulled up my pants and walked, like a regular bi-ped, back to the driver's side and got in. Now, during that entire experience, not a single car went by in either direction. The minute I was seated back in the car, a car came from the opposite direction and three came from behind me. I looked to the sky to thank whoever had heard me (saying "Grace") and intervened.

When I got to my Dads' house, I made a beeline for the bathroom to do damage control and, while the details don't need to be shared, let's just say it wasn't pretty. Managing to clean up as best I could, I emerged from the bathroom and visited with my Dad as though nothing had happened. The day finished without further incident and the drive back to the farm was quiet enough that I actually took some time to notice what a pretty area it was. The trees and fields were beautiful and there wasn't even any garbage on the side of the road with one exception. There were two small splotches of colorful fabric I saw out of the corner of my eye as I passed. I imagined that, after a rain storm or ten, some bird might actually like to use that fabric as part of its nest. Reuse, Reduce and Recycle, right?

I got a package in the mail yesterday...

As a general rule, like most people my mail is limited to two things: Bills and envelopes addressed to "Current Resident". Yesterday was different. My Stepdad, who typically retrieves the mail, approached me with a padded manila envelope addressed specifically to me and it was from the immediate family of my Great Aunt who, sadly, passed away this past Christmas Eve.

Auntie Sue's passing wasn't sad because she was too young or because she had been sick for a long time. She was 90 years old, had lived a long and full life, raised her sons and watched her grandchildren grow up. Auntie Sue's death was sad because she was one of the best people I have ever known and I will truly, truly miss seeing and visiting with her.

What's interesting about that is I typically only saw her a few times each summer. Her Father, my Great Grandfather, founded a Boys Camp in Sebago Lake, Maine back in 1906. Each of Ernest J. Dennen's children built a summer home adjacent to the Boys Camp which means they were adjacent to one another for roughly three months out of every year of their adult lives. I'll bet that not many families out there can make claim to that sort of tradition. Kids grow up, and in one way or another apart. Sometimes growing apart geographically and sometimes by way of other choices. I'm going to guess it was a period of about 40 years that my Grandmother, Great Uncle and Auntie Sue stayed together in this way. Incredible.

In our family, Auntie Sue was the last of her generation to pass. It probably should be noted that she was significantly younger than her siblings. Also of note was that her parents died when Auntie Sue was still a teenager so my Grandparents assumed responsibility for her for a time.

There is a foot path that runs along the shore of Sebago Lake. It travels from my Grandparents house to one of my cousins house, on to Auntie Sue's house and the final section of the path ends up at another cousins house. That always seemed to me to be a sort of metaphor for how close they were. As though it was a common thread that bound them together because in a way, it was.

Each of the homes has different strengths in terms of design and placement along the lake. My Grandparents summer home has the best screened in porch that sits atop a ledge overlooking the lake. A wonderful place to grab a cup of coffee and tiptoe out to before the sun rises. The lake is usually very still at that time of day and the only sounds you hear are that of fishing boats trolling along the shore and the morning conversations of the fishermen and women aboard. It's not so much like eavesdropping because you can't really hear what they're saying but there is a quiet comfort and peace about it.

At the far end, my cousin's house boasts the most remote location. It's set back in a little cove, protected from weather and a lot of the boat traffic.

The other cousin's house is the newest of the four and is winterized unlike the others. It's a year round home. When it comes time to leave at the end of the summer, it's always sad to leave and am envious of their full-time home.

The piece de resistance of the houses is Auntie Sue's. It sits on a prominent point of land, looking out first on a yard with beautiful perennial flower gardens. Beyond that are the stairs leading down to the dock system that's right on the water. The house itself is actually two structures, somewhat perpendicular to one another and attached in the middle by an overhang that protects a stone footpath to the aforementioned yard and lake.
One half of the house is made of the common living areas which are open to one another and, on the lake side, boasts window after window offering a beautiful view of the water. Also in this half are bedrooms and a bathroom.
The other half of the house we always referred to as the "Guest Suites". It is comprised of Bedrooms and another bathroom.

The location and layout of the house is enough to make you fall in love with it but Auntie Sue made it even better. She had a unique and ever appealing style whether it be the decor of a room, her car or her outfits which were never anything showy. They were always just a classic look that turned in to the epitome of what she was from her curtains to her jewelry: Put together.

If I had to put a label on Auntie Sue, I would say that she was always "Put Together" from her personality and the open love she shared so easily, to the things she surrounded herself with, including her jewelry and now we are back to my receipt of a small package in yesterday's mail.

When I saw the return address on the package I was a little confused. As my mind started churning, I actually wondered if perhaps I'd left something of mine at her summer home last year when I visited her there. What I got made me cry in the best way possible. Inside the package was a small jewelry box wrapped neatly with a ribbon and a short message. It reads "We have chosen this small remembrance from Susie's collection for you. Please feel free to regift if the style is not yours. We just ask that you tell the recipient a little about Susan...".

Inside the box is a simple necklace with various beads and stones in hues of green, purple and blue. Very earthy, very classic, very Auntie Sue. I couldn't be more pleased and, although I'm not a jewelry person, I've already thought of three different tops I can wear it with. I will be more than happy to explain its history and importance to anyone who remarks on it. I'm so proud and pleased that her family thought enough of me to pass along a remembrance. Also, I've never seen this method of gifting before but I think it's just about the best and most thoughtful that I've ever been privileged to be a part of.

The part that made me cry when I opened it (in addition to the undeniable fact that I'm a sap) was that with one glance, it made me think of Auntie Sue. It's style, the colors, the love with which it was given and a million other things. I will always think of her happily when I wear it.

I love and miss you Auntie Sue. I was so fortunate to have had you in my life! Peace.

What does Pinterest have to do with Lemon Meringue Cake?

Alright, so in a medicinal haze, I must have signed up for "Pinterest". I say it must have been a medicinal haze because, while I don't remember doing it,there are now people following me and apparently, I'm following people I don't even know. For the most part, I'm not good at being followed or following and that's what Pinterest is all about. I think it kind of falls in to the category of being told what to do and, I'm pretty sure in that class, I got a "D". In fact, just driving behind one of those big construction trucks with the sign saying "CONSTRUCTION VEHICLE - DO NOT FOLLOW" at once increases my anxiety and makes me feel like a rebel. Seriously, I'll be driving along, minding my own business and, next thing I know, I'm staring at the backside of one of those trucks. What am I supposed to do? Pull over and wait until the truck is out of sight? Go around it, with no regard for oncoming traffic? Typically, I won't do either of those things so my brain switches gears. I start thinking about how I'm disobeying the sign and I immediately start to feel smug and rebellious. A stupid sign on a truck isn't going to tell ME what to do. After a few minutes, worry sets in; 'What if the truck pulls off the main road on to some road under construction. Will I follow it right in there? Then EVERYONE will know about me and think that either I can't read or that I'm some kind of rebel who just follows things because she can. It may have taken some time to get there but now we're back to the following bit and Pinterest.
After receiving several notifications that either I was being followed or I was following someone, I looked in to it and polled several people to find out what the big deal is about Pinterest. What was the big draw that had people turning in to Lemmings without even knowing it?
From the ten (or so) people asked, I received two different answers. First, they love Pinterest because 'you can put all of your internet "favorites" in one place'. Second, they had heard of it but hadn't signed up yet because they too could not figure out the draw.
Now, as far as putting all of your internet favorites in one place, isn't that what your "Internet Favorites" list is for? Yet even with that compelling argument, the believers would not be dissuaded. They love Pinterest and that's that.
Being who I am, I couldn't drop it. I needed to find out how and why this new phenomena had taken hold of so many people. Then, like the parting of the Red Sea, someone told me that I could somehow tie my blog in to Pinterest if I posted pictures with the entries. DING, DING, DING!!!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!!
My blog is usually some silly reflection on an ordinary, every day happening. Recently, I threw in a couple of recipes just for kicks. I love to cook and am really good at coming up with a new dish that typically gets rave reviews. Unfortunately, I never write any of them down so I never make the same dish twice. Blogging seemed the perfect solution to that problem. And, if I toss in a couple of pictures here and there, it becomes Pinterest worthy!! I just love it when stuff like this comes together.
So I thought I would start with a recipe I made last night for Lemon Meringue Cake (pictured above) and now you know what Pinterest has to do with Lemon Meringue Cake!!


LEMON MERINGUE CAKE

LEMON FILLING
4 Tbls. Cornstarch
4 Tbls. All Purpose Flour
1/4 tsp. Salt
1 1/4 C. Sugar
1 1/2 C. Water
4 Egg yolks, slightly beaten (Keep the whites for the meringue frosting)
1/3 C. lemon juice
Grated peel from Lemons used to get the juice
2 Tbls. Butter (if Butter is salted, omit salt from the ingredient list)

Note: Make this part a few hours before you make the rest. The mixture will need to be refrigerated for at least an hour before it can be used.

In the top part of a double boiler, whisk together the Cornstarch, Flour, Salt, Sugar and Water. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly until it thickens. Then cook and stir for another 10 - 15 minutes. It should be very thick and sort of clear.
To temper the eggs, take a half cup of the hot mixture and slowly add to the egg yolks while continuously stirring. Take the egg mixture and add it back to the pan, again, continuously stirring. This is important so that the eggs don't 'scramble' in the hot mixture.
Continue to cook and stir for a few more minutes, remove from the heat and add the lemon juice and rind as well as the butter. Stir until the butter is completely melted/incorporated. Lay plastic wrap directly on top of the mixture to prevent a skin from forming on it while it cools. Refrigerate for at least an hour.
I started with a simple yellow cake recipe (Good Housekeeping cookbook), shown here, but you could use either a yellow or lemon cake mix and it would be just as good.

CAKE -
Preheat Oven: 375 F
Grease & Flour two 9" cake rounds

In a large bowl with a hand or stand mixer, add the following ingredients in order, making sure to fully incorporate after each addition:

2 1/4 C Cake Flour
1 1/2 C Sugar
3/4 C Shortening or Butter
3/4 C Milk at Room Temp (Skim, 1%, 2% or Whole work equally well)
3 Eggs at Room Temp
2 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 teaspoon salt (if you use shortening ONLY)
1 tsp. Vanilla Extract

Beat on low until all ingredients are incorporated. Next, switch to medium speed and let it go for 4 or 5 minutes, occasionally stopping to scrape down the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula. Pour half of the batter in to each prepared cake round and bake for 25-ish minutes, dependent on how your oven runs. If a toothpick stuck in the middle comes back clean, it's done. Leave the cakes, in the pans, on a cooling rack for about 10 or 15 minutes, then turn them out and let them cool completely.

Note: If you want additional flavor in the cake itself, add a 1/2 tsp of lemon extract or 1 tsp of finely grated lemon peel. I chose to leave the cake plain and found the buttery cake a nice complement to both the filling and the meringue frosting.

ASSEMBLY - PART 1

Place one of the cooled cakes on an oven-safe cake plate and, using a pencil or tiny dowel, poke about 15 or so holes in to the top of the cake, being careful to only go about 1/2 to 2/3 of the way in to the cake.

Scoop about half of the Lemon Filling on to the cake, making sure that the poked holes are filled. Place the second cake on top of that and repeat the process. Put the cake in the fridge.

MERINGUE FROSTING:

Note: For meringues, I get much better results if I use a stainless steel bowl that has been washed, rinsed and dried thoroughly right before using it.

4 Egg Whites
Pinch of salt
1 C of Sugar
1 tsp. Vanilla
1/2 C. Water

Combine egg whites and salt in a bowl. Beat on a fairly high speed just until the whites are stiff (meaning if you draw a spoon or knife through it, it leaves a well defined peak). Set that aside.
Pour Sugar and Water in to a heavy bottomed, small saucepan. DO NOT STIR. Over Medium-High heat, let the mixture come to a boil. While continuing to boil, cover the pan with a tight fitting lid for 3 minutes (the evaporation process in the pan will wash away any sugar crystals that might be forming). Remove the lid and let it boil for another 10 or 15 minutes until it reaches about 232 F.

Note: You can use a candy thermometer for this or you can take a clear glass filled with cold water and drizzle a little of the syrup in to it. If the syrup creates a silky thread on its way to the bottom of the glass, it's ready.

Turn the mixer with the egg whites back on a relatively high speed and VERY slowly, pour a fine stream in to the egg whites until all of the syrup has been added. The hot syrup, essentially, is cooking the egg whites without turning them solid. Continue to let the mixer go until the outside of the bowl is just about room temperature (this takes about 10 minutes).
Add the Vanilla and mix to fully incorporate.

TURN ON THE OVEN'S BROILER.

ASSEMBLY PART 2

Retrieve the cake from the refrigerator immediately and scoop a LOT of the meringue frosting on to it. Spread the frosting to cover the entire cake, making sure to leave no gaps anywhere from the plate all the way to the top of the cake on all sides. Using the back of a large spoon, gently pull across the meringue and up. This should form peaks that will look really pretty once you're done. Make as many or as few peaks as you like - I love that part.

Once frosted, place the cake plate on a cookie sheet or other flat pan and gently slide it in to the oven. This takes somewhere around 1 or 2 minutes to do so you can not walk away from it. I've burned many a meringue this way. Just remember, whatever the distraction, if it's not worthy of a "911" call, it's not worthy of abandoning the meringue!

As soon as the peaks start to brown, turn off the broiler and remove the cake to a cool (not cold) place.

Note: Particularly if this is a cake made from scratch but in all instances, this cake should be eaten on the same day you make it.

A couple of recipes....just to shake things up

One of the things I love to do is to cook and those I've cooked for say I do it pretty well. So I thought I might share with you a soup recipe I made up a couple of nights ago. I've also put in a pretty basic recipe for making Roasted Garlic Bread to go along with it. As with any recipe, change it up to suit your likes/needs:

Sausage & Mushroom Soup
INGREDIENTS:
2 lbs. Sweet Italian Sausage (loose, not in casings)
1 lb. Fresh mushrooms, wiped with a damp towel to remove any dirt (any kind you like, I happened to use Button because that's what I had and suspect it would be even better with Bellas)
2 Onions (Peeled and coarsely diced)
2 cloves Garlic (smashed with the flat end of a knife and chopped up a little)
2 Tbls. Olive Oil
2 Cans Red Kidney Beans - drained and rinsed
2 Cups (or more if you like) cooked rice (I used Jasmine but I bet Wild Grain would be FAB)
6 Cups reduced-sodium Chicken Broth
1 Large Can of diced tomatoes

EQUIPMENT:
Big ole heavy bottomed stew pot with a lid
Cutting Board
Good Sharp Knife (preferably with a wide blade)
Dampened paper towels
Rice Cooker or a good 2-quart, heavy bottomed pan with a tight fitting lid
Can Opener

PREP TIME: 15 Minutes
COOK TIME: One Hour but that hour is made up of segments where you need to do something so it's not a 'set the timer for an hour and go away' type of soup.

In heavy bottomed stew pot, heat Olive Oil over medium heat until just before it starts to smoke. Add onion, saute for 3 - 5 minutes. Add garlic and saute just until you can smell the garlic cooking. Remove pot from the heat temporarily so the garlic doesn't burn.

Add Sausage and return to heat but turn it down a little. Stir onions, garlic and sausage together occasionally until the sausage is lightly/moderately browned.

While the sausage is browning, in the 2 quart pan, cook the rice according to directions on the package. The entire process for the rice should take no more than 20 or 25 minutes and you'll want it to finish at (basically) the same time the sausage is browned.

Once browned, drain the fat from the sausage/onion/garlic mix and return to the heat. Add in the kidney beans and let them heat through over medium low heat, stirring once in awhile.

In the meantime, coarsely slice the mushrooms (coarsely, to me, is roughly half inch thick slices - you want them to stand up to the sausage, not disappear) and add them to the Sausage and bean mixture. Give it all a good stir, cover and leave it for 3 or 4 minutes on medium low heat. This lets all of the flavors get to know each other.

Add in the Chicken Broth and Diced Tomatoes. Give it all a good stir, cover it and set a timer for about 15 minutes.

This makes a pretty solid ten servings.

I served it with Roasted Garlic Sticks(recipe below):

INGREDIENTS:
1 head of garlic (A good head of garlic should have several firm cloves and no green growth showing at the top)
16 Dinner Rolls of your choice (I used the Italian sticks that come 8 to a package)
1 stick (1/2 cup) Salted Butter, softened.
2 Tbls. Olive Oil

EQUIPMENT:
Heavy Duty Aluminum Foil
Cookie Sheet or Jelly Roll Pan
Small Bowl
Cutting Board
Fork
Sharp knife

Prep Time - 30 minutes
Bake Time - 10 minutes

ROASTING THE GARLIC (You can do this part as much as several days ahead of time):
Preheat Oven to 425 F
Peel as much of the loose, dried outer skin off the Garlic as you can easily but there shouldn't be any 'naked' cloves. Then, with sharp knife, holding the head of garlic firmly on its side on the cutting board, slice off the very top of as many of the upper cloves as you can (don't worry about getting all of them). Using about a 9" square of aluminum foil, form it in to a cup that the head of garlic will fit in to. Put the garlic in, pulling the sides of foil up and drizzle the olive oil over the tops of the garlic cloves. Pull the foil together over the top of the garlic and smush/twist it closed. Place directly on the oven rack and bake for 15 minutes. Remove from oven to a heat proof surface where it can sweat for a few minutes (I just let it sit on the potholder I used to take it out of the oven). If you're going to make the bread sticks immediately, after removing the garlic, just lower the oven heat to 375.

MAKING THE ROASTED GARLIC BUTTER:
Open the foil packet and remove the garlic. Once it's cooled a little bit, you should be able to squeeze the roasted cloves of garlic right out of the skins and in to the small bowl without burning your fingers. They should be somewhere between a medium and light brown and sort of squishy. Using the back of the fork, smash the all of the garlic until it's sort of a lumpy, very thick paste. Add the softened butter and, again using the fork, mix it thoroughly. Set aside for immediate use or, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate. It'll keep for several days that way.

MAKING THE ROASTED GARLIC BREAD:
Preheat to 375 F. Using a butter knife, spread the softened Roasted Garlic Butter evenly over the tops of the bread sticks. Place them, butter side up on the cookie sheet and bake for about 10 minutes or until they're golden on top.

How am I celebrating Valentine's Day???

Valentine's Day. It's one of those God awful holidays, isn't it. The only people who benefit fall in to four categories. First, little girls who are "Daddy's little girl". Next up are women who are in a new romance and their beau is still trying to.....how can I put this delicately.... find the right 'road map'. Third, we have women whose significant other not only found the map but knows exactly how to get from point A to point B. Those are kind of my favorite because, as anyone with a GPS can tell you, the path from A to B can, and frequently does, change without warning. Finally, there are the kids in Grade School who are guaranteed to get between 15 and 25 valentine's day cards (dependent on their class size). For everyone else, it's a sure fire way to make you feel somehow inadequate. Either you don't have a significant other or you don't have the money or you lack imagination or you are over the age of ten.

The story I'm about to share will, hopefully, cheer up anyone who thinks Hallmark should stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

If you have read my previous posts, you are aware that I have Platinum status at the local Urologists office because of the kidney stones I create with a freakish frequency (say that ten times fast). Their Annual Fee to maintain Platinum status is a 24-hour Urine Collection which I, genius that I am, decided to do yesterday and today.....I did mention that today is Valentine's Day right? So just keep that in mind as I ramble on about my experience.

For those who don't know how this works, I'll give you an overview. First, you retrieve a large, sterile, brown jug from your Urologist office. Seriously, it's a brown jug. Now, with the history of "The Little Brown Jug", one would be correct in guessing that Urologists have a twisted sense of humor. Can you blame them? Anyway, in case what you are up to isn't obvious enough to the casual observer, the outside of the box containing said jug is cryptically labeled "24 Hour Urine Collection". Next, you pick a 24 hour period when you are going to be at home. Perhaps you can venture out for a quick errand but do NOT push your luck. Trust me, there is nothing worse on "Collection Day" than getting halfway through Grocery Shopping when you realize you have to pee. Not only do you have about a half hour left in the store and groceries to put in and take out of the car but, in my case, there's a relatively bumpy car ride thrown in for good measure. NOT GOOD.

Okay, so you've got your jug, you have picked the 24 hour period and opened the jug to commence with the collection. First, you are accosted with a very strong odor coming from a dry sponge inside the jug. The sponge is treated with chemicals to prevent the pee from going 'bad' before you can get it to the lab. The very final 'donation' has to be the first time you pee the morning after you begin the collection. For example, I started at 8:45 am yesterday and finished at 8:30 this morning. Here's an important part of the process: Once the collection is complete, you must do two things. 1) Shake the jug for "one timed minute". Trust me when I tell you that tightening the lid is imperative. 2) You have to get the jug back to the lab within two hours, otherwise they can not use it and you have to start all over again.

Did I mention that, for a few months now, I've been dealing with a herniated disc in my back? One of the ways I deal with the pain is to limp when I walk. That way, I'm keeping as much weight off my right leg and hip as possible.

Having finished the collection at 8:30 this morning, I was ready to head in to the Lab and drop off the jug by about 9:00. This would have me dropping it off well within the 2-hour time limit. No worries. I start my car and notice the little yellow gas station symbol winking at me. Sure enough, I look over and see the needle is on "E". This is still okay since stopping to get gas is only going to add about ten minutes on to my route. After filling the tank and splurging with both time and money by going in to the store and purchasing a Vitamin Water, I'm still in pretty good shape since it's now 9:30 and I still have an hour to go.

I pull in to the parking lot, troll around for a parking space and find one right near the Lab entrance which is located on the Hospital Campus but in a separate building. Sitting in the parked car, I give the jug and myself a little pep talk that goes something like this 'Okay, everyone is here for their own reason. They're not even going to look twice at you or me. Just act casual. Nobody knows you are a jug full of pee. I could be carrying anything in that box labeled "24 Hour Urine Collection". Act casual.....nobody knows what I'm carrying'.

After stepping out of and locking the car, with an audible 'slosh', I hoist the box up on to my hip and proceed to limp slowly towards the Lab. Once in the building, as I approach the entrance to the Lab, visitors are presented with a standing sign (the kind you might see at a Hotel Conference Center that tells you where your Office Holiday Party is being held). Except this sign reads "PLEASE WAIT HERE WITH YOUR GIANT JUG OF PEE". Alright, it may not say that exactly but it is a big sign which directs you to stand in the hallway that is the Hospital equivalent of Main Street U.S.A..

It's around 10:00. Are you doing the math? I am and, at this point, I'm feeling a little like Dorothy when she's locked away in the Castle staring at that HUGE hourglass). Finally, I'm next in line and a woman behind the counter waves me in. She sees me limping, looks at the box, then at me and I can already tell this is not going to be good.

As I'm hoisting the box from my hip to the counter (slosh) she says "Oh, I hate to do this to you because I can see you're limping...." "Why?" I ask "What's wrong?" She breaks eye contact and tells me that I now have to carry the box to the Hospital's internal Lab which is at the other end of the hospital, four billion miles away. She kept apologizing and I finally interrupted her and said "Look, it's okay, can you just tell me how to get where I need to be?" She proceeded to give me directions to the Information Desk just inside the main entrance to the hospital and said that person would direct me from there. With a resigned sigh and slosh, I hoist the box back on to my hip and turn to leave but I couldn't resist at least saying something so I left with a loud comment for her and everyone in the waiting room; "That's alright, don't you worry about me, I'm just limping through the hospital grounds with my giant jug of pee. Nobody will even notice me.....It's fun". The people in the waiting room giggled and I imagined her suddenly realizing her cruelty. Right now, I thought, she's running to find a wheelchair so that she can wheel me to the Hospital Lab. She'd offer me a cup of coffee and, since it was chilly out, ask me if I wanted a warm blanket. By the time I was halfway to the Information Desk, I'd looked over my shoulder three or four times and resigned myself to the fact that she wasn't coming. What with my limp, the sloshing was starting to sound more like that of a washing machine or an overcrowded pool but I didn't care anymore. I got to the Information Desk, took my down coat off, wiped the sweat from my forehead and asked the nice older gentleman for directions to the Lab. Since I was no longer making any pretenses about what I was transporting, I gave the box I'd placed on the Information Desk a quick shake and said "I have to drop this giant jug of pee off at the Lab, can you tell me where that is?" The man's lip actually curled and he wheeled over, opened a desk drawer and pulled out a container of Lysol wipes. "Down the hall, past the gift shop, Elevator B to the first floor and you can't miss it". I thanked him as, once again, the jug was returned to the upright and hip position.
Slosh, bump, slosh, bump, slosh, bump was the sound you could hear as, head held high, I made my way down the hall.

Finally I got to the lab and the time was approximately 10:15. I dropped off the jug, turned heel and gimped my way back to the elevator, back down the hall, waved to the people in HAZMAT suits who were scrubbing the Information Desk, got back outside and all the way to my car. PHEW! There really isn't much more to the story but, as Valentine's Days go, it doesn't get much better than that, does it?

So if you're finding yourself down in the dumps this Valentine's Day, just count your lucky stars that you don't have a "24 hour urine collection" jug as your dance partner. Also, go get your favorite treat, and watch a good movie. Before you know it, it'll all be over and we'll move on to St. Patrick's Day which is a much more reasonable holiday whose focus is simply drinking green beer and eating a nice Corned Beef & Cabbage dinner.

I love my husband...

Last night, I looked up from what I was doing to see my husband.  He was sitting in his chair, eyes closed and hands together on his chest.
"Honey, why are you praying?"  I asked.  "I'm not praying" was his answer.  After waiting a moment "Honey, what are you doing?"
His answer will come later but, first, you should have some background.  We will be married eight years this Spring and have been together for something like 13 or 14 years.  Every time I feel like I couldn't possibly love him more, I do.  The human heart is amazing that way; or maybe it's just him.  He is exceptional in so many ways.  He has a caring heart, is protective of those he loves, is an incredibly devoted Dad and Husband, will give you the shirt off his back, takes good care of himself, can find almost any lost item, is passionate about what he loves and is incredibly smart.

It's those last two items that prompted me to share this story.

My husband is a computer geek, and I say that lovingly.  He knows databases and how they work inside out, upside down, front, back and any other way you can imagine.  He's like the "Wonkavator" of Computer Databases.  He is made even more valuable to his employer because once he sets his sights on a problem or issue, he won't let go of it until it's resolved.  This can lead to some lengthy work hours but the satisfaction he gets from completing a task is a very fulfilling part of his life.  He is also pretty self aware.  He will tell you that A) He's a problem solver and B) He's very good at what he does.  Both statements are, without exception, absolutely true.

All of that having been said, if there is a problem or issue whose resolution is temporarily eluding him, he can get pretty grumpy.  Typically, all that means is that he gets quiet.  He will obsess internally until the problem gives way.  Even that isn't too bad - seriously, even on my best PMS day, I was grumpier than he is at his very worst.

Now that you've got that information, let's get back to last night, shall we?  I had just asked, if he wasn't praying, what was he doing?  After a long pause, the answer went like this (I captured it on Facebook last night so I'd be sure to remember it correctly since there's a LOT of technical jargon within)  I just ask that you picture me like a toddler who is exhausted but resisting bedtime, and listening to the fifth book s/he has asked Mommy or Daddy to read:

"I'm trying to build a complex algorithm...blah, blah, blah (blink, blink).....problem at work.....blah, blah, blah (maybe if I just close my eyes for a second).......if an exhaustive search for best matches....blah, blah, blah (This chair is soooooo comfy)....and I may have started drooling at that point.......unlikely time stamps will match exactly......blah, blah, (Yes, Of course I told the goats not to swim in the pool)...blah, yada, yada, value,blah, PC, blah...blah, noon, blah, fuzzy matches....." ....blah and...IIIIIIIII.....ammmmmm.....out.

A half hour later, I opened my eyes and he was still going strong.  I stood up and, as I passed by, patted his head and said "I love you.  I'm goin' to bed".  I woke about an hour or so later because I had the unmistakable feeling that I had left something unresolved.......

Where was my  husband?  Right next to me, snoring peacefully........Great.

If the world was perfect....

Disclaimer time:  Before anyone gives me a hard time about there being so many more important things to worry about, I say this:  I'm very aware of what a horrible state the world is in now.  Famine, Disease, Natural Disasters; I could go on and on.  The reason I write these blogs is to, hopefully, make folks smile or laugh because laughter is one of the best survival tools EVER.  So please take what I write with a grain of salt and if, when reading these posts, your cares are eased even slightly - well, that's about as gratifying to me as it gets.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

If the world was a perfect place, following are a few medications that would be in existence without creating any subsequent dependencies.

Emotionalreasonepherine - Take one tablet to relieve hasty decisions, words of regret (including those of anger, arrogance, jealousy or unfairness).  Possible side effects are clearer communication, conscience and healthier relationships.  Case Studies have proven this to be an effective medication.  It does not cause drowsiness, vomiting, diarrhea or heart attacks.

In the absence of the above referenced medication, the following can be taken:

Slapthemsillicodone - Take one tablet 'as needed' for relief of discomfort or anger brought on by one or more of the following:  Unspeakable people who commit crimes against children or animals.  Politicians, Uncaring, Offensive, Pompous, Unyielding or Idiotic people.  When taken, the offending party is immediately dropped through a trap door where they will sit in 'time out', listening to one of the following until they are rendered harmless:  Dr. Phil, Oprah Winfrey, Sarah Palin, Rachel Ray or Mike Tyson.

Abusilax - Available only in suppository form, it comes with the well known Actor "The Rock" as an applicator.  If you are a living creature (2 legged, 4 legged, finned, etc.) who is being abused verbally, emotionally or physically, simply snap open the blister pack. The Rock will appear with this in his rubber gloved hands and will administer it to the offending party.  From that point forward the offending party, when trying to inflict any type of pain on anyone, will only inflict pain on him/herself.  This has potential to ease a LOT of troubles in our society.  I see less divorces, less prison overcrowding, and most important, less people and animals crying or striking out instead of just enjoying their lives.

Now, maybe you have problems in your life that require a miracle pill promising a miracle cure that doesn't quite fit in the above categories, but that's kind of the point.  We've all got different struggles and problems and, usually, we know the solution.  The trouble usually comes in the application of said solution.  That, my friends, is what the professionals are for.  If you present the right professional with a problem and your miracle solution, they may not be able to make it come true but they're trained to show how YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT.

Finally, if all else fails, I've heard some really good things about Voodoo dolls.  Just sayin'.